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What exactly is a
"non-vanilla" sex life?
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Communication and Negotiation
As in all relationships, a BDSM relationship requires a certain amount of honest communication.
But unlike other types where sadism and masochism aren't involved an extra degree of open discussion ought to precede (and follow) a play session.
We "hurt" each other as a matter of course, and a measure of care need always be taken.
Then too even in a D/s relationship, where no exchange of physical pain's involved, one can always be badly damaged in the heart.
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ALT loving.com
. . . what flavor is your sex life? |
meet people, make friends, learn
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People who say they have "no limits" are just fooling themselves. Or worse still they've too little experience in BDSM to really be playing. Take extra care when dealing with this type.
ALT loving member DomManInT1, a self-proclaimed teacher / mentor in the local community, says "most people I have met in BDSM do not consider the
emotional risks involved."
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Communication and Negotiation
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Communication and Negotiation
by
DomManInT1
"Communication and negotiation"
.. a novelty catch phrase, or a serious concept to be implemented on a continuing basis for success in BDSM relationships as well as daily life?
It seems the beginning of the end of most BDSM relationships starts before the first flogger falls. Many people entering into the lifestyle for the first time, and some that are still in the learning stages of their experiences, fail at some of the most basic yet key things in BDSM relationships.
They are, quite simply, communication and negotiation.
Communication is the ability to transfer one's thoughts and ideas to another. Successful communication requires thought and skill and planning and practice. To be successful, one must not only transfer their thoughts and ideas to another, but they need to do it as completely as possible.
This complete transference of thoughts and ideas leaves little room for mistakes to be made, or feelings can be hurt.
Further than that, a person that is communicating has to want to be successful.
So many times it has been heard after asking a submissive bottom what they would like to experience, “Oh, I don't know. Whatever you like.” This sets up the coming relationship for failure.
But do not put all of the fault with submissives.
Dominants in this situation have some obligation to direct and guide the submissive in successful communication. The dominant can and should ask more questions and possibly make a few good suggestions. Dominants should practice the art and technique of using words effectively to impart information or ideas.
This is when negotiation begins. Negotiation is conferring or communicating with another or others in order to come to terms, make arrangements, or reach a mutual agreement. Negotiation might be as simple as making one's wishes or desires know to another and having that person comply.
Usually negotiation is much more complicated. In making one's wishes known, it might be necessary to be very specific. It might be helpful for both parties to reference a dictionary to have common word meanings to utilize.
Sometimes written communication can be used in place of verbal communication. Usually a combination of both written and verbal communication enhance the entire process.
Ultimately, compromises might need to be made from one, or both parties. Compromise connotes "with promise". "I will do 'x' for you today, if you will promise to do "y" for me next week."
A compromise might also include agreeing to do something that might not be desired in order to gain something that is desired at another time.
Reflect on these thoughts while making a path through the BDSM lifestyle.
Practicing one's communication skills will enable one to gain more things that are desired and avoid more things that are not desired.
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