Our Community
by Jack Rinella

There is a lot to say when we consider the two words in the title of today's column, as neither of them is very well defined. From that lack of definition arises a multitude of questions, many of which I am asked with a high degree of frequency. My friend Master Zeus is only the most recent questioner when he said “What is Leather and how is it different from BDSM?”

The first thing we need do is consult the dictionary. Community is defined as “1: a unified body of individuals, such as (a) a state or commonwealth; (b) the people with common interests living in a particular area, broadly, the area itself; (c) an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (such as species) in a common location; (d) a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society; (e) a group linked by a common policy; (f) a body of persons or nations having a history or social, economical, and political interests in common. 2: society at large. 3: (a) joint ownership; (b) a likeness; (c) a fellowship; (d) social state or condition.”

There are in the above several ideas that quickly remind us that if we are a community, we are such only in the loosest of definitions. We don't live “in a particular area” unless one considers the United States as just that. We don't have a strong common history (though we certainly have some history in common). On the other hand, we share social interests and at times and in various ways are a fellowship.

My take on this is that we are more properly a community of communities. We share common practices, usually called fetishes. At times we come together in a particular area (i.e., a hotel for a weekend party). We have similar policies concerning safety and consent. Certainly we can look at individual groups and see that they form a community.

My extensive traveling to teach these various communities reveals their distinctions. In fact some kink-related communities know very little about other such communities, even when they do share a common location. Many in the pansexual BDSM community, for instance, have never heard the term Leather used in reference to Gay kink and many Leathermen might be quite surprised to learn that Heterosexual BDSM communities far outnumber them.

These communities go by many different names, a fact that only suggests a wealth of diverse norms, practices, policies, histories, and composition of individuals: Leather, Lifestyle, BDSM, kink, Pansexual, Alternative Lifestyle, People Exchanging Power, Fetish Players, etc. It sounds to me that classifying what these communities are and who comprises them might be a doctoral thesis for some aspiring sociologist.

I am most directly associated with the community that calls itself Leather. It is male, homosexual, and practices various fetishes, such as bondage, impact play, and dominant/submission relationships. That said, it is necessary to note that even within a broadly defined Leather community there are noteworthy distinctions. Gay D/s is different from those Gay men into fisting, rubber, or uniforms. Bondage communities have a lesser emphasis on clothing than do, for instance, those having a “gear” fetish. The “Boys” community has its differences from the more conservative (and generally older) Leather community.

It is important to note that the varieties seen above belie a common base. Many members of the above communities are freely and happily part of other communities. For instance, there are several members of our local (and younger) Boys Troop who are also active participants (and some even members) of the Chicago Hellfire Club (CHC), an older community based on Gay male SM activity. That's not to say, of course, that the troop itself isn't also Gay, male, and practices SM.

The various ways that these (and here I mean all of these communities) differ from the larger society in which it finds itself, i.e., “a group of people with a common characteristic … within a larger society,” are also ways in which the individual communities vary from one another, though quite frankly these variations are generally only by degree.

If we take for example the communities of that make up a large city we see that they share many similarities, such as locale (a city), common services (governance, utilities, parks, shopping malls), and species (the human race). At the same time they differ by race, national origin, religion, political leanings, class, income, occupations, etc.

Likewise, our communities have much in common while remaining distinctive on the basis of sexual orientation, prevalence of sexual activity, leadership type, fetish style, kinds and varieties of power exchanges, arts, codes, expectations, open-ness to others, etc. These varieties are both healthy and welcome, since they afford the widest breadth of available choices, the opportunity for specialization, the meeting of widely differing needs, and the accommodation of varying values and desires on the part of their membership.

For those reasons, we may find ourselves a part of numerous communities. My Leather family and those aligned with it form the nucleus of my BDSM community. I also actively participate in CHC and, to a lesser degree, LeatherSINS, a pansexual north shore BDSM group. I am a member of both but in different ways. That is no different than how I participate in other communities. In my vanilla life, I'm a member of a college community, a biological family community, a neighborhood community, and a community based on membership in a teacher's union.

My earliest writings (from 1992 to 1995) attempted to define Leather within the rather close confines of my Gay male SM experiences. When I ventured into the pansexual BDSM world in 2001, I discovered a completely new side of kink. It is predominantly heterosexual, embracing both genders as well as Transgendered players, and at times much less focused on sadomasochistic and/or sexual activity than the community of Leather that I know so well. It was both familiar and new.

In the intervening years, I have acquired a whole set of new words in my vocabulary (sissy maid, polyamory, power exchange, etc.), seen D/s practiced in a broad range of styles by FemDoms, Goreans, sirs and mistresses, etc., experienced dungeons that had much less to do with sex and intimacy (OK that's a judgment call) than with the practice of BDSM in its broadest interpretation, and discovered mores, customs, and policies that would never fly in my own Leather community.

It is differences such as these that provide the real answer to another frequently asked question: “Why don't Gay Leathermen participate more frequently and in greater numbers in Pansexual events?” First, of course, is that Gay Leathermen are quite happy to remain in their own communities, as are no doubt, heterosexuals as regards their communities. The other answer has just as much validity: the differences are fundamental to the nature of their respective communities.

I cannot imagine, for instance, that Gay Leathermen would ever willingly or happily post rules against sexual penetration, the consumption of alcohol, or nudity. I've never heard a Leatherman tell me that BDSM wasn't about sex or that we need to have more Heterosexuals attend our functions. None of that is meant to imply that we don't encourage safe sex, temperance, or discretion in where we get naked. Neither does it mean that all Leathermen always have sex when they play, drink alcohol, or take off their clothes. As a matter of fact, there is hardly much sex at our parties, more consumption of soda and water than of beer, and most guys remain rather fully clothed, though the clothes are much more in the line of fetish wear than is seen at Pansexual gatherings.

This discussion needs to be a two-way learning process. On the rare occasion when I do play in a Pansexual space, it's not, for instance, uncommon for someone to tell me later that “They didn't know Gay men were so affectionate when they played.” Just as I am amazed at the propensity of Het male tops to remain fully clothed when they play, Hets are amazed that I kiss my partner while playing. Hey it takes all kinds.

As I wrote above, these very real differences “are both healthy and welcome,” since they provide an opportunity for the widest number of people to enjoy what it is that we do while feeling the most comfortable around those who do it. The diversity makes us stronger within ourselves and provides the wherewithal for us to be stronger within the larger society in which live. In that regard, quite frankly, we can hardly live without one another, if we are to prosper, grow, and live within our respective communities.

There are times for us to be one and times for us to be separate. Let's just remember to respect those times appropriately.

Have a great week.

You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or visit my website at:

http://leatherviews.c.topica.com/maaml8XabK9YwaCIxGEb/

where you can subscribe to this column and receive it weekly.

Copyright 2008 by Jack Rinella, all rights reserved.